https://photos.app.goo.gl/NdLiStG4uBhVEBxaA

Matangi💃M.I.A. Only posting this one here.  I’m going to do more videos for here only. I get too many copyright strikes on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/oLN-_ziY5kI worst video ever 😂🍾❤️

2022…. what do I resolve to do?

I would do the standard “oh, I’m going to quit smoking, drinking and go to the gym, eat healthy bla, bla, bla…”

I do plan to have a better routine for my exercise bike, I already eat fairly healthy.

The others, great if it happens but not pressuring myself.

My biggest resolution is to be selfish and focus on me more.

Last year I was everyone’s cheerleader for everyone’s YouTube channels and projects. Nobody cares. I think the only channels who did genuinely care if I am alive or dead are  Canadian Catholic and The Late Late Horror show.

It’s been fun on all these streams, sometimes. Some of it was like subjecting myself to an asylum.  Apart from research and development of my channel and site, it’s been a waste of time with most of them.

It’s been fun in a fight club cage match way.

Song of Songs 1:6  Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept

I knew that going in.  Why I left the Hangout community and avoid most of my Discord.  It is an endorphin rush to be in social media. People don’t realize how much it does affect brain chemistry. I see it all the time. It’s hard not to get sucked in. It’s like hanging out with a crowd on a street corner. It seems important but it’s not real conversations or relationships. Half the time it is preaching or arguing with a sprinkle of #metoo.

It’s even harder to walk away. Even if I know it is toxic. Everyone wants acceptance and community. I will fight the dopamine withdrawal.  I’m used to being alone.  I’d rather be alone then feel like I do about some of these people. I can’t be friends with people I don’t trust. I have to stop being around people who make me feel worthless.

If I’m writing and uploading artwork I won’t have time to lonely.  I might not have a bunch of fake YouTube friends but at least I can look back next new years and see a year of achievements not drama. Working out on my bike and dancing are good for endorphins. When the snow is gone I can do more walking and gaming. My pokemon miss me.

It’s like I am doing with Sir Robert”Lunner” the Vain.  I’m not putting up will him exploiting my company because he is bored. If he wants it he can pay for it.

I’m not letting people make me feel like garbage. I have better things to do this year.

So far it’s off to a good start. Fingers crossed, only way is up💃🍾😎